She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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