I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I booty called her while she was in labor.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Randomize
