Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
