Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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