oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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