I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
