Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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