how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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