Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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