He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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