with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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