Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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