Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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