you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
