I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
