Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
