Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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