i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
