I seem to have left my pride at pride
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
