toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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