I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
