Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
