I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
