stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
