and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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