Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
