hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
