I showed him my bush... on skype.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
