In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
