SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
my poor anus
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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