so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You have to summon your inner elephant
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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