I want to have your abortion
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
