I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think my cat just said my name.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize