In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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