Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
