I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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