I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
