are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
