from now on my penis is your penis
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
