Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize