I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
