So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
