Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
