Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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