I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
