he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
