I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
