Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
