You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
