i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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