Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying