frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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