I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."