my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato