Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.

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  (248): I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness. http://tfl.nu/dved
  Replies (3) Good night (1325) Bad night (750)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.

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  (513): Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times. http://tfl.nu/rlhm
  Replies (21) Good night (594) Bad night (4188)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.

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  (314): I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook. http://tfl.nu/a58w
  Replies (23) Good night (6883) Bad night (616)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.

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  (479): just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation. http://tfl.nu/5hwm
  Replies (162) Good night (1218) Bad night (6789)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.

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  (615): He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick. http://tfl.nu/ib3l
  Replies (23) Good night (1129) Bad night (7814)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?

  (1-330): View more from Ohio

  she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.

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  (330): why is there cat hair all over my deoderant? (1-330): she wanted to smell more freshershest than you. http://tfl.nu/rk6z
  Replies (33) Good night (5746) Bad night (1558)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.

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  (405): Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment. http://tfl.nu/t7rb
  Replies (3) Good night (2342) Bad night (934)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported

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  (330): I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported http://tfl.nu/ddun
  Replies (7) Good night (1502) Bad night (2733)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.

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  (703): screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko. http://tfl.nu/s10e
  Replies (4) Good night (2816) Bad night (1097)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.

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  (618): Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had. http://tfl.nu/svji
  Replies (14) Good night (1987) Bad night (798)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.

  (1-520): View more from Arizona

  I can pencil you in at 3:30

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  (520): Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk. (1-520): I can pencil you in at 3:30 http://tfl.nu/ztyv
  Replies (8) Good night (2955) Bad night (859)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Slow dancing with the chandelier.

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  (828): Slow dancing with the chandelier. http://tfl.nu/w34r
  Replies (4) Good night (1054) Bad night (515)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.

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  (850): After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up. http://tfl.nu/jmm0
  Replies (0) Good night (617) Bad night (289)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture

  (410): View more from Maryland

  dude you're not even a fucking science major

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  (717): Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture (410): dude you're not even a fucking science major http://tfl.nu/vino
  Replies (4) Good night (1076) Bad night (290)
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.

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  (507): The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER. http://tfl.nu/0t63
  Replies (2) Good night (876) Bad night (156)

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