that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
