Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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