just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
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That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
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Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now