Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!