All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
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At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
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Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty