I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
