u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
