i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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