Can i not drive my cunt home
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
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I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
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Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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