You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She bit a glass in half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize