so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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