I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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