Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
