where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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