i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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