Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
