I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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