Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
