and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
