Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
