Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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