Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
