I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
