You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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