I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
