also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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