she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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