one might say we're banned from that church
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
3 2 1 whiskey
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
