Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
