tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
