Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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